its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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