what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
