Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
