My underwear smells like fireworks.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
