eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
