yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
