did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
