Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
