That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
