I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
