Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Fuck appropriateness.
do herpes really smell.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
