you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
