When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
