Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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