i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
