My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
