I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
