Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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