Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
