dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
