I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
