This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
