my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
