I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
