it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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