Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
