I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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