doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
