i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
