I faked an abortion last night.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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