the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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