I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
