While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
