Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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