my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
