Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
