fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
