Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
