This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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