Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
