You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
