I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
