You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
