My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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