Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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