So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
