How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
