tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
