I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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