She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
