dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
