Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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