i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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