I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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