An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
