Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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