i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
