She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dicks are not precious.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
